Revealing the Truth about Scottsdale, Arizona

Welcome to the all-new Scottsdale Sucks! This site is a bastion of truth, revealing the facts about Scottsdale, home of shysters, con men, fakes, phonies, poseurs, credit whores, whiny NIMBYs, and other bottom-feeders of all sorts.

Home to “New Yorkers who couldn’t make it in New York” and other rejects, Scottsdale is a mecca for wannabes who want to feel “affluent’ but can’t afford a real affluent community, along with endless criminal types who choose to reside in Scottsdale because being surrounded with other shysters and con artists provides the safety of anonymity.

So, sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh your ass off at the idiots and losers who call Scottsdale home!

Kona Grill: Another One Bites The Dust

Kona Grill is losing big bucks, reporting a 2nd-quarter loss of $535,000 this year.

They are blaming “higher labor costs” which is total b.s. because that would be the first I’ve heard of increased labor costs. If anything, labor costs DROP in a down economy as more people are willing to take less-desirable jobs.

The truth of the matter is that, if you’ve been to Kona Grill, you know it’s full of the absolute worst of the worst of Scottsdale, even lower than the garbage that frequents Barcelona. It’s nothing but dirtbag, broke, 20- and 30-somethings who still think they’re 19 and living in the frat house, mixed in with a few desperate, sleazy old men in Tommy Bahama shirts who buy drinks for the strippers who hang out there and never get anything for it.

Even at the height of the housing bubble, there was no money in this joint. It was only a matter of time before we saw it go bust.

Shyster Scottsdale raising ‘impact fees’

The shyster and hard-up-for-money City of Scottsdale is raising what they call ‘impact fees’ on builders.

Impact fees cover the city’s cost to expand water and sewer lines and service. Costs for water and water resources for 1,000 square feet in that area, known as Zone A, would increase from $949 to $2,754. Sewer fee costs in the same area would rise from $480 to $2,611.

But, there are two little problems here with Scottsdale’s fee increase:

1. These are not fee hikes on builders; builders admittedly and readily pass them on to home buyers.

2. We all know this has *nothing* to do with infrastructure costs. In reality, the City of Scottsdale is seriously hard-up for money thanks to their failing photo radar program, plummeting sales tax revenue now that the Scottsdale phonies can’t buy new cars anymore, and the fact that nearly half of property tax bills are going unpaid this year since Scottsdale’s fake broke-ass residents can’t afford to pay.

Yep, it looks like we’ve got just another scam on our hands to extort money from citizens without choice or representation. Typical Scottsdale.

Invasion of the Zonies

A few observations having seen lots of cars with Arizona plates so far this summer:

- Walked into Starbucks one day and some guy was in there acting like a loud obnoxious jackass, wearing the trademark Scottsdale dragon t-shirt and backwards baseball cap … I thought this was unusual for the area and I got worried for a second, thinking my beloved town might be turning into Scottsdale, until I saw him get into an Audi A4 with Arizona plates and a ‘Scottsdale Audi’ license plate frame and I breathed a sigh of relief.

- The one time I’ve been cut off in recent months, it was another Audi with Arizona plates and the ‘Scottsdale Audi’ frame.

- Driving on a surface street with a 50 mph speed limit the other day, I saw cars going around some idiot driving slow in the left lane. I got closer and saw that it was a Mercedes with Arizona plates.

There have been dozens of examples of this last situation. I’m not complaining so much as I’m astonished that such a large populace has been trained by the threat of police enforcement to drive unusually slowly, even when they’re in a rather fast-paced locale where driving slow causes problems and creates a traffic hazard.

Comment of the Day

Another great one from Dean, complete with a dedication to Mr. Hyphen himself (a.k.a. Steve):

I see Mr. Hyphen has had the point sail a mile or two above his head.. “you sonsabitches should just accept that our wonderful government has seen fit to snap your picture and shake you down for a couple hundred bucks.” Mr. Hyphen, whether the citation is “fair” or not is really irrelevant. The point is that a tourist who just dropped a few grand on a Snottsdale or greater Arizona vacation is in all likelihood going to be mighty pissed when he gets his thank you letter from Comrade Napolitano shaking him down for a few hundred more to pay for her socialist “investments”. You think that guy is going to sit down with the wife and go “you know honey, at first I was a little upset by these photo radar tickets. But now that I think about it, it really does make sense. Can you hand me the checkbook sweetie? And don’t forget, we need to call our travel agent and book our vacation for north Scottsdale next year!” I say no, that guy isn’t coming back. And the holier-than-thou tools like yourself, Comrade Napolitano and her enablers in the Arizona Kremlin will be clueless until the tourism numbers take a dump. By then, the damage will be done.

I probably wasted my time with this response, but I enjoy the battle of ideas nonetheless. If I can win over one leftist worshipper of big government I consider that a success.

Comment of the Day

From Joe Jacari:

Here’s the dead givaway: if Scottsdale were so high-class and had a truly affluent tax base–say like Beverly Hills or Palo Alto, California–why would they need to sheist people, by slapping up cameras on every corner, to try to turn a quick buck through petty traffic fines?

Answer: they wouldn’t.

Bingo!

Exactly! There are about a thousand reasons or more to prove that Scottsdale is NOT affluent, and this is a great perspective on why you don’t see speed cameras and abusive traffic enforcement in truly affluent communities!

Photo Radar’s Negative Impact On Tourism

Dean Kennedy posted this insightful comment, and my response follows:

I wonder if Supreme Soviet Napolitano considered the tourism consequences when she unleashed this nauseating money grab. Think about it… a tourist from back east comes out in January to pay a few hundred a night to stay at a hotel and a hundred or two to play golf each day, and when he gets home he gets a thank you from the state of Arizona with a few hundred bucks worth of speeding tickets. Think he’s coming back? The sad part is that the idiot politicians will be in denial for a few years before they figure it out. So they will have to rescind the Big Brother cameras and spend $50 million or so more of taxpayer money begging people to come back to the new, somewhat less Soviet like state of Arizona. Maybe Comrade Napolitano will end up as Comrade Obama’s running mate. If it sounds desperate, it is. I can dream, can’t I?

My response:

There is DEFINITELY a tourism hit coming from the speed cameras. Here’s a true story to demonstrate:

Last fall my girlfriend’s relatives in North Scottsdale had family from all over the country come out for Thanksgiving. They came from New York, New Jersey, Georgia, Los Angeles, and Orange County.

They were all immediately shocked, outraged, and disgusted at the presence of speed cameras everywhere. One was pulled over “on suspicion of DUI” even though she hadn’t had a drink at all that day. The reason? She turned on her headlights about a second after she put the car into gear. This was “just cause” for a DUI stop, complete with two cop cars and a breathalyzer.

Luckily for her the breathalyzer came in at .00, which makes a conviction tough even in arrest-happy Scottsdale. So she got away that time.

The point here is that everyone in attendance swore never to return to Scottsdale. Not only were they unimpressed by the town itself – everyone thought it was bland, barren, and boring – but the presence of the Soviet-style cameras was a huge turnoff.

To top it all, one of the cousins from LA was greeted at home by three photo tickets in the mailbox. You see, in So Cal, you can drive up to 85 mph on the freeways with no fear of cops. Scottsdale seemingly capitalizes on this by speed-trapping visitors from states were you can actually drive without Big Brother watching you every single minute.

F*ck Scottsdale. Writing this has gotten me pissed off all over again. Oh yeah, we’re one of the many visitors from that weekend who swore never to return again. We may go visit friends in Phoenix but will not set foot, nor give one cent in sales tax revenue, to the corrupt and despicable City of Scottsdale.

To sum it up:

- Scottsdale is experiencing a crash in property tax revenue, with a record 48% of property tax bills going unpaid this year, and more to come.
- Scottsdale has publicly discussed the sales tax crisis, thanks to a complete standstill in auto sales now that the Scottsdale phonies are ruined and can no longer get credit to buy/lease cars.
- Scottsdale tourism is way down, per the AZ Republic this week, and hotel/sales tax revenues are crashing.
- And now to top it all, they’re strongly discouraging visitors with their Soviet speed cameras and abusive DUI procedures.

Nice going. The “leadership” of the City of Scottsdale is a perfect example of why you should NEVER raise children in Scottsdale or let them go to Scottsdale schools. The brain damage is lifelong and irreversible.

PV mayor caught getting fraudulent certification

Paradise Valley mayor Vernon Parker got caught red-handed submitting false information and documents to get his consulting firm certified.

People, this is just another in an endless list of examples of the kind of shysters, con men, and scumbags who inhabit Scottsdale, Paradise Valley, and increasingly Fountain Hills.

Might as well just chop off the entire NE Valley and send ‘em all to prison.

Hey, what else do you expect from the mayor of a town that not only has a ton of photo radar vans, but hides them extra-stealthily, and refuses to have them calibrated or tested, resulting in thousands of false tickets?

Why is Scottsdale in such total denial?

What really blows my mind is the sheer number of people who either post comments here or email me insisting that I’m wrong and tell me things like the following:

- Scottsdale has great schools
- Scottsdale is full of rich people
- Scottsdale is upscale
- Scottsdale is classy
- I “can’t afford” to live in Scottsdale

I laugh because, of course, they are so damn ignorant to believe these things. For example, Scottsdale schools are good relative to the rest of Arizona, which ranks #50 in the nation – dead last – for quality of schools. So Scottsdale’s schools suck too. They call Scottsdale expensive, which, again, is relative. It’s pricier than much of Arizona, but is still dirt-cheap banal living compared to any desirable area in the US.

And on that subject, when I did a home search on the MLS in the Phoenix metro area, how come the first several pages of very expensive homes were in Phoenix (north-central, Biltmore, Arcadia), with Paradise Valley following those, and Scottsdale not even beginning to show up until several pages into the search results? I guess it’s not expensive after all, even by Arizona standards.

What’s it like to be a Scottsdale phony?

I’d imagine it has to be an extremely stressful lifestyle. Just look at how pissed off the regular trolls to this site always are. And look at how angry and rude most of them are, seemingly 24×7. None of them ever put up a valid argument, but instead spew forth profanity and insults like the insecure little babies they are. I figure their “lifestyle” is something like this:

- Endless humiliation from collection calls at home and at work
- Absolute terror at the sight of a tow truck anywhere near your car
- Obsessed with the next guy’s car, watch, house, etc.
- Always worried that someone else will have better “status symbols” than you
- The fear of homelessness: Can’t get approved to rent after a foreclosure
- The inner shame of knowing you’re not who you claim to be
- Fear of embarrassment from credit cards getting declined out at dinner, bars
- Fear of the IRS coming to take all your stuff and slap the cuffs on you
- Fear of arrest and indictment thanks to your mortgage fraud and con games
- Knowing that you have no real friends, just similar status-obsessed phonies like you
- Knowing that your kids will grow up to be idiots thanks to the nation’s worst schools

But most of all:

- Terrified that you will be found out. Your entire life, self-worth, and self-esteem is based on perpetuating the lie that you’re a big shot with big money and a business, when in reality you’re a reject who was run out of everywhere else and is now forced to live in bumpkin local-yokel Scottsdale with all the other shysters and con artists.

I’ve also noticed that the further north you go in Scottsdale, the more pissed off everyone is all the time.

Taking all that into consideration, it’s perfectly explicable why everyone in Scottsdale is always so damn furious. At least the cardiologists will make a fortune from all the heart attacks and other stress-related problems.

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